Lost
by Twilight 3-1
Summary: Marriage wasn't as they expected and Margaret turns to a close friend for comfort.
1. New Surroundings

"New York New York!" Hawkeye exclaimed holding the 4 year olds hand.

"It's big…" his wife observed…looking out of grand central at the high rises, holding the sleeping 2 year old.

"You were expecting Montana?" he asked her.

"It's not that…it's just…"

"Come on, we agreed to this. You were bored, I was bored…Maine was ready to kick us out anyway. Crabapple Cove after nearly 3 years isn't exactly the hot spot of Northern USA."

"I know…it's just…is it right for the kids? We're renting a 1 bedroom apartment for 4 people, a dog and god knows how many other animals that currently occupy the place." She was cynical in her opinion of the largest city in the world…but having lived 3 years in small-town Maine – the longest aside from Korea she had ever lived – the big apple was a big change.

"It's not grand by any means"

"Or big, or sanitary…"

"But we're only renting til we get the time to go looking."

"I only wish they'd given us more time."

"It was either I take the job now…or stay in Maine for god knows how much longer."

"I know…it just annoys me."

"Come on…if we're ever gonna get there…it might as well be now." With his free hand he hailed down a cab, and the four climbed in, ready to embark on their biggest change as a family.

Confused? Rewind to the beginning… 

Late 1952 when an Amerasian baby was left on the Swamp's doorstep, 3 men and a head nurse took her in. On their Priest's advice, they couldn't take her to an Orphanage and the US army's order; they couldn't send her to the states unaccompanied. So the head nurse applied for adoption and her, along with the 3 men kept the child with them and named her Mae. A few months after that, one of the 3 men also put his name down for adoption, alongside the head nurse's. In mid 1953, everyone got the call to go back to the states. So the head nurse and the one man…with 9 month-old baby in toe headed for a small fishing town in Maine. A few months after that, that one man and that head nurse got married…and 9 months after that they had together a child, who they named Lily. Now 2 years later, the man, the former head nurse, Mae and Lily Pierce had moved from their idealic fishing town in Maine, to the noisy, big-town New York.

"Where to sir?" the driver asked in his thick, Brooklyn accent.

"165th Street thanks…"

"Why didn't we just catch the subway the rest of the way?" Margaret questioned him.

"You ever been to grand central?" he asked her.

"No"

"Me neither."

"I haven't been to hell either…doesn't mean I want to go…"

"Sure we have…we spent the greater part of 3 years in hell."

"That was purgatory…as much as I hate it…I know worse."

"Worse?"

"We were never captured or tortured…there's worse."

"Point taken." He gave in, not wanting it to escalate.

"What's the big thing about grand central then?"

"Don't tell me you've forgotten already?" Hawkeye asked with a grin on his face.

"Oh…that." Margaret grinned back. "Well I was right…"

"You were?"

"The amount of people in the hut, if it were the size of grand central…would have been."

"…Grand central I get it."

"Thank you!"

"You thought about what you're gonna do here?"

"Take in the sights you mean?"

"I mean job-wise…you going to go back to nursing…or what?"

"In a few weeks…I just want to get settled first."

"I thought you weren't working til both the girls were at school?"

"I'm allowed to change my mind."

"I never said you weren't!"

"I told you, when we got into all this 4 years ago that I wasn't going to play housewife."

"Margaret! I never said you had to, and I never said you couldn't work again for another 3 years…I just assumed from what you told me before we left Maine that you were going to wait."

"Well I thought about it…I've had 3 years off work and I want to go back."

"Fine then you go back. But can you wait til we find a place ourselves?"

"I wasn't planning on going back _today…_"

"Mommy?"

"What is it baby?"

"Where's Dog?"

"Dog's still with grandpa…remember? And most of our stuff's still there too."

"Why?"

"Because we couldn't fit it all in our new place."

Hawkeye laughed, "Out of all the names you two could have picked…_dog_ was it…"

"At least no one will ever forget it. She still asleep? I can't see her from here."

"Yeah…that cold really bounced her around."

"It wasn't a cold, it was the flu…I told you that." Margaret corrected him.

"As a doctor you didn't think I'd know the difference?"

"As a nurse you think I wouldn't either? Whose the one that's been home for them most of the time?" she was accusing him and being unfair when she knew what he felt.

"Oh come on that's not fair…you know hospital shifts more than anyone!"

"And? Look, sorry I brought it up okay?"

"Could we possibly go 5 minutes without an argument?" Hawkeye asked her, rather annoyed at his wife.

"Okay okay!"

He tried to lighten the mood and changed the topic. "The director said I start on Monday"

"Monday? I thought you didn't start til Friday?"

"No…Monday. We have a total of…4 days to get things sorted." He sighed…ticked off about the short time to get things organised.

"When's your next time off?" Margaret asked him, curious.

"Uhhh…lemme see" he muttered, looking through some papers he had with him "…next Tuesday."

"So what? Is it all up to me to find us a house?" she snapped at him.

"I said next Tuesday! God Margaret!" Hawkeye exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air, frustrated.

"I quite frankly don't want our kids living in that cesspit for long enough to catch malaria!" she raised her voice.

"Look, I had the exterminator go over the place yesterday, twice. We should be fine for a few weeks."

Margaret rolled her eyes and looked out the window blankly.

"You could have just stayed in Maine ya know? I've been trying my best to keep us above ground…and all you can do is criticise and ridicule everything I try to do!"

"You expect me to believe all that? The late nights at the hospital…Sarah Fairbanks…"

"Oh come off it! I _moved_ here to prove to you that there was NOTHING going on between us! Would I do that to you? No. Never. Not in Maine, not in Korea…and never anywhere else."

Hawkeye was getting pretty pissed off at his wife. She was accusing him of sleeping with any woman younger than her that he came 100 yards within proximity of.

"Could we just stop this? Right here, right now?" Margaret was getting a headache. A stuffy cab at the end of winter in New York wasn't the best place for a fight.

"I don't know Margaret…you're the one that started all this. Can you?" he spat viciously at her.

"I most certainly did not!" she defended.

"Oh yes you did. You assumed, as always, that I wouldn't allow you to go back to work. That's how it started."

"Oh no it isn't, this goes all the way back to July 8th…"

"Here we go!" he was sick to death of hearing the same accusation, from a lifetime ago.

"1950, I was trying to keep things in line and _you_ and _him_ messed all that up."

"Can we at least wait until we're in something bigger than a tuna can before we start throwing things around?" His claustrophobia wasn't as bad as it used to be…but it still flared up every so often. Usually when his heart rate rose dramatically. Like when he was fighting with Margaret.

"Fine." Margaret repositioned the toddler on her lap and continued to stare out the window. It was raining, heavily. A fitting day for what it was turning out to be. And with one, still slightly sick child, and another who they desperately hoped would fit in, their lives recently had been one fight after another.

Hawkeye's father had noticed the change and was worried. Worried for his son – all the horrors he witnessed in Korea, and now all the crap he continually got from his wife, who Daniel liked and approved of, but was wary of. But he was more concerned about Margaret. Something had happened to change her personality. From what Hawkeye had described to him, she was slipping back into 'hotlips' mode. It all started around their 2nd year anniversary in 1956. There was no defining moment to explain why his daughter in law had turned into a horror to live with. Over time it had escalated, the reasons for fighting became stupider and the fights, longer and meaner. Either something had happened that she had told no one about…or the two were never meant to be together. Neither option sounded good, but for his granddaughters sakes…he hoped that whatever had pissed Margaret off…that she would get over it. And soon. Because their sudden rash decision to move away, gave cause for gossip and concern throughout the town.

Hawkeye looked over to his wife who was still out of it. He loved this woman with all his heart, a place that only 3 other females held – Mae, Lily and his mother. He didn't know what he had done wrong. Or if it was even him. He only hoped that New York held the key to restore their marriage before it died completely.

Looking down he saw that Mae had fallen asleep. There was something extra special about her. She had clung to him and Margaret the most in Korea, perhaps a sign his father once pointed out. Mae had made the last few months of the war, bearable for all. She was the camp's mascot, everyone's golden child. Her mother may have abandoned her, but the love of the camp, and her parents, more than made up for it.

He looked over to see Lily stirring slightly, but still sleeping. The girl was a prodigy. At 2 years old she had been through more illnesses than the camp during a double dysentery/malaria outbreak. Margaret developing pre-eclampsia 5 months into the pregnancy, confined to bed rest at 7 months, a 36-hour birth, which for the moment, Margaret decided, was the _only_ child she was having naturally. Colic at 5 weeks and again at 3 months. Nappy rash from 4-9 months. 5 rather large bruises from trying to crawl. Finally crawling accident-free at 10 months – a late starter. Walking 6 months later. A broken arm at 18 months, suspected measles at 22 months – which turned out to be an allergic reaction to carrots. And then the cold/flu at 2 years. But she was a real fighter. Definitely her mother's daughter…but hopefully not too much. She had yet to enter the terrible-twos, which Hawkeye hoped would be over swiftly as having Margaret act the 2 year old was bad enough.

Hawkeye sighed and laid his head back to rest against the seat…eagerly looking forward to when he went back to work…away from Margaret.


	2. Moving In

An hour later – much thanks to the weather and traffic, they'd finally arrived at 165th street, in Queens. Hawkeye scanned the buildings, finding number 57.

"Just here thanks"

"We here daddy?" asked Mae, waking up.

"Uh huh. How much?" he asked the driver.

"13 dollars 37 cents."

Hawkeye handed over the money then turned to Margaret. "Here's the key…"

"What are you giving it to me for?"

"You take the kids I'll get the bags…unless you'd rather stay out here in the rain."

"You don't have to be a smart ass," she told him as she got out of the car, took Mae's hand and began to rush inside.

"Well this is turning out to be a great day…" he muttered sarcastically. Grabbing the few bags they had, he closed the trunk and hurried inside.

"I thought you were going upstairs?"

"I was waiting for you."

"Can I get a hand here?"

"Okay tigerlily…time to wake up." She shook the toddler slightly, waking her up. Lily began to cry. She never liked being woken up before she was ready.

"Oh great!"

"It's hardly my fault!"

"She's your daughter."

"She's yours too!"

"Just wait here with the bags"

"What for?"

"I can't carry them all at once up 2 flights of stairs."

"Then hurry it up!"

Hawkeye grabbed the 2 smaller bags and began trudging up the stairs.

"A snail could go faster than you."

"A snail wouldn't get bitched at every time he breathed." He didn't waste time listening to her reply and quickly made it up the stairs, with Mae in tow. "Why didn't you stay with mommy?"

"I wanted you." Mae hugged his leg as Hawkeye unlocked the door.

"Okay Mae-berry…once everything's in here, then you can have me."

"'Kay"

"Now it's a big walk down and back again…do you want to stay up here whilst I get mommy?"

"No! Want you daddy."

"Okay, let's go get mommy" he threw the bags in and locked the door back up. Taking her hand they walked back down the stairs.

"Daddy…why does Lily cry?"

"Lily's sick and she doesn't like to be woken up. Unfortunately she inherited that from me."

"Did the removalists get everything in?" Margaret yelled above the crying baby.

"Yes Margaret, for the 5th time this hour…everything's there." Hawkeye breathed out and picked up the last bag.

"Okay…shhh baby…when we get there you can go back to sleep." Margaret laid the child's head down and smoothed down her hair.

The walk up seemed to take longer than the first. With Lily's crying, Margaret's criticism…Mae was a godsend to be around.

"Oh god that's a long walk!" said Margaret, nearly out of breath. Lily had refused to be put down and carrying a 12kg 2 year old was murder on…just about every muscle.

"You said it."

"Why's the door locked?"

"It's New York…why do you think I asked you to stay with the bags?"

"But the door? Up here?"

"What did I just say?"

"There's no one else up here!"

"Neighbours?"

"Oh come off it!"

"I'm not taking any chances." Hawkeye declared as he opened the door wide.

"Oh god, look at this place!" she exclaimed in horror as they all walked in.

"I am…what's the problem?"

"They didn't get everything in here…they _shoved_ it in here."

"At 12 bucks an hour I told them to be quick."

"This is gonna take days…" Margaret groaned.

"No it won't…our place only took a day and a half and it was 5 times the size of this place."

"We only had one child then…and I'm deducting your help."

Hawkeye looked over at his wife, angered. "What the hell for?"

"When was the last time you helped with anything?"

"I help all the time!"

"Hold on…Mae could you take Lily over to the couch please?" she put the 2 year old down and her big sister led her over to it.

"Come here." He half-dragged her into their bedroom and closed the door. "What the hell is wrong with you lately?"

"What are you on about?"

"Since Lily turned one, you've been an absolute horror to live with! If it's not how I dress, then it's what time I get home, who I've seen and how I feed the kids. When did you get so damn snippy?"

"I am not snippy!"

"Alright then. When did you turn into such a bitch?"

"How dare you!"

"What can it possibly be that has turned you into…"

"Who?"

"_Hotlips! _It's like 1950 all over again! What's happened? What have I done to piss you off?"

"Whoever said it had anything to do with you?"

"Oh I don't know…perhaps the fact that I'm your _husband_ could have something to do with it. If it's not me THEN WHAT THE HELL IS IT!"

"Daddy…" Mae knocked on the door and went in.

"What is it Berry?"

"Where's the bathroom."

"Come on I'll show you." He glared at his wife before he left "We're not finished here," and walked out.

After taking her to the bathroom and checking on Lily, who was again asleep and still slightly warm, he walked back into their room to see Margaret crouched down against the wall.

"Mae, go find a good spot for your bed."

"Okay daddy!" and the 4 year old skipped off.

Hawkeye slid down beside her and pulled his fingers against the back of his head.

"What's happening to us?" she looked at him, clearly upset.

"I don't know." He answered, turning to face her.

"We were never meant to leave Korea." She said, out of the blue.

"What?"

"We were great back then. We never fought."

"Hardly fought." He corrected her.

"And now here…we're worse than we were at the beginning of the war. What changed?"

"Us." He flat out said.

"But why?"

"I don't know. Maybe we're getting bored."

"Of me?" she looked back at him, nearly in tears.

"Why would you say that?" he asked her.

"You're different around everyone else. I just…" she paused, blinking back tears "…feel like the victim of the world's biggest practical joke."

Hawkeye pulled her closer to him, and she collapsed against his shoulder.

Margaret was totally burnt out. Between moving, Mae's identity crisis before school age, Lily's ever-growing list of sickness, Hawkeye always at work and her parent's blatant disapproval of her choice in husband constantly weighing over her head, it was a surprise she hadn't totally flipped. Margaret was always the obsessive-compulsive, control-freak, stress-head…and if Korea hadn't wiped her out yet…it was only a matter of time before she had a nervous breakdown.

As quietly as he could Hawkeye called out for his oldest.

"Could you find me a pillow for mommy?"

"Where?" she asked him, her bag of toys dragged beside her.

"In that box just over there." He pointed to an unopened cardboard box, carefully labelled 'Adults bedroom stuff'…Hawkeye burst out laughing when he had come home and saw what she had written. Margaret had no clue…til he gave her a subtle hint and she swiped him, muttering something about 'still a garbage head'.

Mae tried her best, but being of Korean origin she wasn't very tall. "Can't reach daddy."

"That's okay." He carefully moved Margaret, took off his jacket and laid it under her head. She hadn't been getting a whole lot of sleep lately.

"Mommy sleeping?"

"Shhh…yes, let's go out." He closed the door slowly once out.

"Why does everyone in this family sleep alls the time!" she pouted. Hawkeye laughed. "I don't know Berry…now. Would you like to surprise mommy?"

The 4 year old eagerly nodded her head.

"Okay then, lets set up house."

"Yay!" she said a little too loud.

"Shhh…quiet remember?"

"Okay daddy." She nodded her head again.

"Did you find a spot to sleep?"

"Right here!" she stood next to their bedroom wall.

"How about somewhere where we can fit your bed?" he asked, playing along with her.

"Okay!"

To say their temporary apartment was small was an understatement. It was on the third floor of a four-floor apartment building. When you walked in, to the left was the 8 by 8 foot open kitchen. Next to that, was Hawkeye and Margaret's bedroom – about the size of the Swamp. To the right was almost half the apartment taken up by the living room. And opposite the entrance was the barely-breathable bathroom. All in all, the apartment was about 18 square feet. Not a great space for a family of 4.

Hawkeye and Mae stumbled over a few boxes til they found the 2 beds and the crib. Lily's track record showed it was safer for all to have her still in her crib. None of which had been put together yet.

"She's right…it is going to take forever."

"Who said daddy?"

"You did!"

"When?"

"Just then!" he leaned down to tickle her, resulting in giggling.

"No daddy…work!"

"Okay, okay…what should we…OW!" he stabbed his foot against a rather full box "Son of a!" he stopped himself in time. "I think we should move the boxes away." He looked at his daughter and waited for her nod of approval. The girl was big on nodding. 'Must be a genetic thing' he concluded.

* * *

_A while later:_

"Ugk...daddy...I can't move it..."

"Careful! It's very heavy…how about you go put all the bags in the kitchen."

"The kitchen?" she asked confused.

"So we don't hurt ourselves, or lose them."

"Oh right!"

"Oh man! You're right Mae…it is _heavy_" he gasped the last word. Dropping it down he leant over it in pain, declaring, "I now have a hernia."

"What's a 'ernia?"

"A hernia is an adults excuse not to work." He muttered to her, collapsing on a chair. Mae came up and sat on his lap.

"Daddy…"

"Mae…"

"I think we should wake up Lily."

"What for?"

"So's we can move the couch to where it's sposed to go."

"And where's that exactly?"

"Ummm…over there." She pointed to the front wall.

"You sure?"

"I overheard mommy say it should…but she said it a different way."

"What did she say?"

"One of the words I'm not sposed to say."

Hawkeye chuckled. "Sounds like your mother."

"Daddy…why can you and mommy say those words and me and Lily can't?"

"Because Mae-Berry…lots of adults don't like those words."

"Then why does you and mommy say them?"

"When adults say they don't like things, it doesn't mean they don't do them."

"Like having a bath everyday."

"Exactly."

"But why can't we say them then? You and mommy have to take a bath everyday too."

"Well it's just something not good for kids to say. Plus if mommy ever heard you say them before you were 15…she'd have my hide nailed to a wall."

"I think I get it. So what mommy says is the rule?"

Hawkeye burst out laughing. She was _very much_ his daughter. "Mommy likes to think so…and we just go along with it to make her happy."

Mae giggled, she wasn't sure why, but her daddy thought it was funny, so it must be. "Okay daddy…enough rest…more work."

"Okay Berry" he said before he muttered; "Now I know who she got _that_ from."

"So can we wake up Lily?"

"No…she's still not feeling better."

"But I want to move the couch!"

"You know what we can do instead?"

"What?"

"We can set up the beds!"

"Mine first!"

"Naturally."

For the next hour and a half, Hawkeye struggled to get the single, wooden bed together. As BJ and Margaret said: for a cardiac surgeon, he was lousy with tools.

"I think we got it."

"Finally!" she exclaimed.

"Hey…I have a hernia remember?"

"You said that was a 'scuse!"

"I did too. Okay let's move it…you push I'll pull. 1,2,3...ARRGH!" he was exaggerating for her amusement. In actuality it was rather light. "Window or bathroom?" he asked her.

"Window…the bathroom's smelly."

Hawkeye chuckled "Sure is."

Once moved into place, he threw the mattress on top. "Where did mommy put your sheets?"

"In my box!" Mae stood beside her box, labelled 'Mae's Things' which she proudly helped write.

"Okay then…" Hawkeye opened it up and 199 toys later, he found sheets, blankets and pillows. "These it?"

Mae nodded eager to put them on.

"You want to help me put them on?"

"Yes!"

A few minutes later, they were on.

"Okay…next Lily's crib, so we can move the couch." Finding all the pieces, Hawkeye spent half an hour putting it together. After 2 kids he was getting better at cribs. It still should have only taken him 15 minutes.

"Over here?" he asked her.

"No just there."

"Not here?"

Mae giggled "No daddy…you can't get to the bathroom then!"

"Silly me! What's next?"

"Lily's sheets"

"Oh yeah…you seen where her box is?"

"Next to mine!"

"Oh good." A few minutes later he had set everything up.

"Now can we move Lily?"

"Okay Mae." _'Houlihan bossiness alright,' _he thought. "Okay Tiger…no…shhh, don't wake up. I'm just moving you to your own bed."

The 2 year old fell back to sleep. She was getting quite warm. She still had on all her winter gear and since the heater was on, it was a comfortable 85 degrees.

"You're quite warm there Tiger…" he muttered, taking off her jacket, shoes and sweater. Leaving her in a turtleneck, overalls and her socks.

"SLEEP!" she suddenly screamed.

"Shhh, okay Lily…you're just a little too warm. You can sleep now." He put her down in her crib and she drifted back off to sleep. 'She better get well soon or I'm admitting her to paediatric wing.' He said to himself.

"Couch now daddy!"

"Okay Berry."

The next few hours were spent moving the few bits of furniture they had around, leaving the bedroom til last. He'd have to wake up Margaret to do that. And save her from a stiff neck.

"Daddy…can we eat now?"

"What time is it?"

"I dunno" the 4 year old shrugged.

"Of course you don't." Forgetting she was only 4. "Shiioot it's nearly 2! Okay…mommy packed something…somewhere." He rambled around the bags, finding what he was after.

"Okay, we got sandwiches…sandwiches…and juice. What'll it be? Ham, peanut butter or jam?"

"Jam please."

"Apple juice?"

She nodded her head.

The pair sat down for a few minutes and ate. When he was finished, Hawkeye stood up.

"I'm just gonna wake up mommy okay Berry?"

"Yesch" she replied, mouthful of food.

"Margaret…it's 4 in the afternoon."

"Mmm? What?"

"I said it's 4 in the afternoon."

"4! God why didn't you wake me up?"

"Margaret…"

"We've wasted a whole day!"

"MARGARET!"

"What?"

"Come on, get up."

"Mae asleep?"

"No she's been busy…"

"Doing what?"

"You'll see." He said, as he led her out.

The look of shock on her face was all that he needed to see. "Oh god…you did all this in 6 hours?"

"I helped mommy!" Mae ran over to her.

"I bet you did." She turned to her husband. "Thank you." He pulled her in for a hug.

"Any time."

"What else have you two been up to?"

"Daddy's got a 'ernia"

"He does?" she chuckled.

"What we saved on packaging, we'll lose in medical costs."

"I'm sure you'll get over it." She smirked.

"BUT…daddy says it's only an 'scuse…"

"He did, did he?"

Mae nodded her head eagerly.

"That all you taught her?"

"No…whilst you were sleeping I taught her how to cure cancer…"

"Smartass."

"Daddy also splained why me and Lily and kids can't say that stuff too!"

"Oh?"

"And the dangers of smoking, drinking, gambling…you know…all that stuff."

Margaret smiled. "Where's Lily?" she suddenly said, not seeing the toddler on the couch.

"About that."

"What 'about that'?" The pair walked over to her crib.

"I took some of her clothes off, she seemed a little warm, and I've been keeping an eye on her the past 4 hours…her temperature hasn't seemed to come down at all."

"Flu?"

"I don't think so. It would have gone away by now. If she doesn't get any better, I'm admitting her."

Margaret's eyes went wide with worry.

"Look, it's probably just a virus that's going around. She should be fine. You know her."

"All too well." She ran her hand down the child's red-flushed cheek.

"Hungry?"

"A little. Has she eaten anything?"

"No…she screamed out 'sleep' when I moved her a few hours ago. I didn't want to upset what ever she has."

"Mae?"

"We had some sandwiches just before."

"I'll take anything…I'm starved."

"We got more than anything…ham or peanut butter? Mae and I ate all the jam."

"Ham'll do."

"If we get our bed set up today…we should be free to go house hunting tomorrow."

"What about Lily?"

"If she's well enough we'll just take her…otherwise one of us stays and the other brings back pictures." He said, taking a bite of ham.

"You think she'll have to be admitted?"

"Margaret…stop stressing."

"It's only our child we're talking about after all."

"There's nothing either of us could have done to prevent it. Stop blaming yourself and eat!"

Margaret took a bite and glared at him.

"Okay…we got a couple of choices."

"Toodoohp…To do with what?" she swallowed her mouthful before continuing.

"Where to live…perhaps?"

"House, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and a backyard. Plus anything you want."

"Study and a kitchen bigger than my closet."

"You hate closets."

"Exactly. I actually meant area, rather than what kind of house…I already know what you want."

"Not Manhattan."

"Too crowded?"

"MmmmHmmm" she nodded her head vigorously to show her feelings.

"Bronx is too far…"

"…and too dangerous."

"We could always trying and find something around here."

"How about Brooklyn?" Margaret asked him.

"Possibly…It's a helluva lot closer than anything else…"

"Or Long Island?"

"Nah…sounds stupid." Anything with the name 'Island' was in his opinion 'just plain stupid.'

"So it's either Queens or Brooklyn…"

"What time tomorrow?"

"10…if Lily's well enough she should be up by then."

Mae was becoming impatient with her parents. She wanted to get everything set up and they were talking _as usual_. "Come on daddy! Let's do yours and mommy's room!" she tugged at his leg.

"How 'bout it mommy?"

"You two have been doing a great job before I was here…be my guest!"

Hawkeye stuck his tongue out at her before he leaned in and whispered to her "Glad you slept well." And kissed her on the cheek before disappearing with their oldest into the room.

Hawkeye had spent the next 3 hours getting the giant queen-sized together, and after 2 near broken fingers. He had done it and set it all up. Margaret poked her head in to see their progress.

"Looks good."

"I wouldn't suggest sitting on it."

"Lying okay?"

"Be our dummy…er…guest."

"I hope we find that house soon, because the prospect of living out of suitcases doesn't seem enticing."

"It's better than moving everything twice."

"True."

"I'm dead…Berry?"

"Sleep now?"

"In a bit Mae…" Margaret told her. "Dinner?"

"Mmm…sounds good. Can I eat it in my sleep?"

"We still have some sandwiches."

"That'll do. Mae-Berry?"

"Tired…"

"Sandwiches it is" Margaret declared, getting up and going out to the kitchen.

"Margaret!" Hawkeye called out.

"What?" she yelled back.

"Drinks too."

"Okay." She brought it all back into the room.

"How's Lily doing?"

"Temp's gone up half a degree"

"Damn."

"I'll try giving her a bath after this. Maybe that'll cool her off."

"Hopefully." Hawkeye wasn't looking forward to staying at home or going out by himself the next day. They needed to do this together…there was enough hell between them already.

The three ate their food, mostly in silence.

"Sleep now?" Mae asked, keen to get to sleep.

"Okay Mae-Berry…go get changed and wait for me." Hawkeye told her and she bounced out of the room. Falling back on the bed he declared, "That kid's on a permanent sugar-hype."

"Be thankful we only have one of them like that." Margaret lied down next to him.

"You okay now?" he asked, looking straight at her.

"I'm just beyond tired. God…Lily's going to be up all night!" Margaret groaned. That kid was a lot of work.

"I'll bring her in here…" he yawned.

"I was about to suggest it."

"After her bath."

"Can't you do it?" she pleaded with him.

"I'm on reading duty…and as you saw, all the books are still packed away."

"Mmm…okay, you take number 1, I'll wrestle with number 2."

"Fine with me" he agreed, following his wife out the door.

Hawkeye found Mae all ready and in bed waiting.

"Which story?"

"Evil Ferret Man!"

Hawkeye grinned "An oldie but a goodie." He sat beside her as she lied down, waiting for her favourite story. "Once upon a time there was an evil Ferret man…"

Meanwhile a few feet away, Margaret was struggling with their youngest.

"Tigerlily baby…come on please…time for a bath."

"NO!" she screamed.

"Yes…I know you're feeling sick Tiger…but bath will make you feel better."

"NO. SLEEP!" she wasn't happy and began screaming.

"_Shit!_" Margaret was stressing out.

"Hold on Berry…mommy needs help with Lily."

"But daddy!"

"I'll buy you ice cream tomorrow okay?"

"Okay…" she wasn't pleased. All too often her sister interrupted 'daddy time' and she was beginning to dislike her for it.

"A little help?"

"Please?" Margaret was getting desperate. A screaming baby, with at least the flu, in winter…she could handle a daily influx of wounded soldiers with half their heads blown off, but this was something she didn't cope well with.

"Tigerlily…let's go take a bath."

"NO! SLEEP!"

"No! Bath!"

"SLEEP!"

"BATH!" Hawkeye was hoping if she screamed enough, it would wear her out. "Margaret…" he was referring to the bath.

"It's done."

"Lily please…you're giving mommy and I and the whole of New York a headache."

"And Mae!" Mae put in, her hands covering her ears.

Hawkeye struggled to get her undressed, but did so, all the while with Lily kicking and screaming her lungs out.

"You want to take her or move the crib?" he asked her.

"What?" she asked him, out of it.

"Lily or the crib?"

"Oh uhhh…the crib." She wandered out of the bathroom.

"Your mommy's a wonder." He muttered to his youngest.

"NO BATH! SLEEP!" she was still screaming.

"Yes bath!" he leaned down and had to physically force her to sit down.

"COLD!" she screamed and began crying.

"I know Tiger…but it's so you'll be better and won't have to go to hospital…because mommy doesn't want you to go."

After a few minutes of just talking to her, she had calmed down and had stopped screaming.

"There…is that better?"

The 2 year old sniffled and nodded.

_'Of all the habits she picks up…' _He thought. "Margaret can you get her pyjamas?" he called out.

"Just finding them." After a minute she walked back in with them and a towel. "Thought you may need this." She said, holding up the towel.

"Oh yeah."

He quickly dried her off and dressed her. Margaret went out to check on Mae – she had fallen asleep and hoped she would stay that way til the morning.

"She's asleep."

"Good…where did you put the medicine? I couldn't find it in any of the boxes."

"I put it in my bag…"

"Always prepared…"

"But never a scout." Margaret emerged with a bottle of syrup – meant for coughs, but it helped the kids sleep.

After fighting with Lily for 5 minutes with it, he finally got most of it in her mouth. They both walked into their room and Margaret fell onto the bed.

"I don't care anymore…I am not getting changed for anything."

Hawkeye paced with Lily in his arms. "That goes ditto for me."

Margaret arched up in the air "Maybe except this" and undid her belt, which was digging into her hip.

"Finally." Hawkeye muttered, seeing that Lily was asleep. He laid her down in her crib and collapsed, dead, onto the bed he was so tired.

Rolling over onto his back he asked Margaret "That was one of the worser ones right?"

"Oh yeah." She mused, falling asleep.

"If her temp's not at least 2 degrees lower by tomorrow…I'll take her in."

"MmmmHmmm…" Margaret didn't hear him; instead she drifted off to sleep. Hawkeye soon followed after.

Dead to the world at 7:30 was something he'd never thought would happen.


	3. The Time they Didn't buy a House

Margaret woke at around 4am. Still tired, she was unable to sleep. Nightmares of grandeur proportions had plagued her dreams off and on since she got back from Korea. Since Lily turned one, they were a regular occurrence. Vague images of wounded men had turned into clear pictures of boys, who she and Hawkeye had saved together; after they were wheeled out and into post op, the next man would arrive; the same boy they had just mended. No matter how many times they operated and succeeded, the boys always came back, sometimes the same, sometimes worse off. Every night it was a different soldier, one that had, in reality, recovered fully to go home or back to the frontlines. Yet in her dreams, one they could never fix.

Margaret couldn't shake it from her thoughts. She used to wake up at 7am as normal, shaking and crying. Hawkeye there to get her out of it and by 9, she had pushed it to the back of her mind. But since Lily turned one, she stopped getting up at 7, instead waking at 4, still so tired, but so she could cry in silence. She didn't want him to see. There was already enough heartache and problems between the two. And she having a nervous breakdown at 34 was not going to help restore their marriage.

She slowly slipped down to the floor, hugging her knees and sobbing. Tonight was different. Tonight they tried to save him. The sandy-haired boy who wanted to marry his sweetheart and live on a farm. In the 3 or so hours she had talked to him, a bond had formed. He was the most important patient, the one who _had_ to make it. Yet in reality…the damage was far too extreme for any of them to help him, and he slowly slipped away. Tonight's dream had taken on a twisted, cruel turn. Hawkeye and she were frantically cutting and sewing and draining from within his gut, none of it helped. They were sucking the life out of him…his body, his soul…everything was being drained and neither of them could do anything to stop it. Once he was wheeled away, he came back, same as before. In this nightmare…it was just them, no one else. Another new turn. Margaret truly feared she was going insane. She saw what it had done to her husband, and she was afraid of what it would do to her.

She shivered. The temperature had dropped dramatically to 3 degrees and all she was wearing were jeans, a sweater and socks. Sitting on cold, wooden floors didn't help either. But she didn't care. As long as he didn't see her.

Hawkeye rolled over, subconsciously patting the bed beside him. Feeling nothing he woke up to see his wife was no longer beside him. A quick glance over at Lily, she was still there. Letting his eyes adjust to the dark he saw her silhouette against the bed. Silently he manoeuvred towards her.

"Hey?" he put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. Margaret jumped up in fright. Her eyes wide with fear. "It's just me." Seeing her tear-stained eyes, he rubbed her cheek with his right hand. "Margaret, what's wrong?" he asked her, becoming increasingly concerned.

"It's just a nightmare. It's nothing. Go back to sleep." She wanted him to leave her alone.

"You sure?" he asked her, wary of her tone.

She nodded, sniffling.

"At least come up here where you won't freeze." He pleaded with her.

"I'm fine Hawkeye, just…leave me alone." She wasn't in the mood to talk to him.

Hawkeye said nothing. He rolled back over in frustration and annoyance. She was definitely retreating back to Hotlips. And he could do nothing about it.

After a few minutes or so, Margaret stood up and went over to where Lily was. Feeling the baby's forehead, she seemed cooler and less distraught. Margaret picked her up and carried her out to the kitchen.

"Shhh…Lily…it's mommy. I just need to take a look at you okay?"

"Daddy?"

"Sleeping. You're feeling better now huh?"

The 2 year old nodded.

"Good. Because I was afraid daddy would have to take you to the hospital."

"No hospital!" she demanded.

"Well you just keep on getting better Tiger and no hospital for Lily." Margaret smiled.

"Eat?" Lily hadn't eaten in almost a day and naturally was hungry.

"Let me see…hmmm." She was speaking more for her daughter's entertainment than her own sake "Peanut butter sandwiches?"

Lily nodded.

'Oh I hope that's all she picks up from Mae' Margaret thought. She took the sandwich from the fridge and went back into their bedroom. Sitting Lily down on the bed, she climbed in and handed the sandwich to her. Lily however, was more interested in her daddy's sleeping form than eating.

"No Tiger. Don't wake up daddy. It's still night time." she whispered, giving the sandwich to her, again. Lily did as she was told and ate, keeping well away from her father.

Margaret's stress levels started to come down. All Lily needed was a good, solid, 24 hour sleep to knock out the last of whatever she had. She hoped her daughter's seemingness for injury and sickness would eventually cease, sooner than later.

"All done!" Lily declared, proud of herself.

"That's good baby…okay, let's put you back to bed."

"No tired!"

Margaret sighed. Tonight she was losing the battle to keep her eyes open. "Please Lily…mommy's very tired and needs to sleep."

"No sleep!" she demanded.

"Mpfhfph" Hawkeye mumbled in his sleep.

"Please Lily?" Margaret begged her, her eyes starting to close. Lying down she hoped Lily would follow.

"Mommy? Mommy?" Margaret didn't hear her; she was already asleep, unaware that she had left a 2 year old, a very awake 2 year old, unattended in a place she didn't know.

"Mommymommymommy!" Lily chanted. She wasn't upset; she just wanted someone to play with her. Seeing her mother wouldn't answer, Lily turned to her father, ignoring what her mother had told her.

"Daddy!" she flopped down onto his chest. Hawkeye awoke, slightly startled.

"Tiger…when did you get up?" he asked her, still half asleep.

"Mommy!"

"So why aren't you asleep?"

"No sleep!" she wasn't tired.

"Where's mommy now?" he asked, unable to see Margaret asleep.

"'Dere!" she pointed to her mother, touching her arm. "Mommy sleeping."

"Yeah…mommy hasn't been feeling well for a while."

"Mommy sick?"

"Sort of. Hungry?"

She shook her head.

"So no sleep and no eat. So then what?" he asked her.

"Play!" she squealed.

"Not now Tiger…it's too early. How about you lie down between mommy and me and…"

"Story?"

"Okay…any story in particular?"

"Radarbear!" she exclaimed.

"Okay. Once upon a time, in the land of green, there was a village. And in that village, there was Radarbear…"

Once settled in Maine, Hawkeye made sure Mae knew and would remember everyone at the 4077th. He dreamed up and created stories for his daughter, tales of birds and bears and a bent flagpole. And Mae's favourite (and his): evil ferretman. Then when Lily came, he passed them onto her. The stories had become a Pierce tradition and at least one a night had to be told.

Hawkeye had yet to create one in Henry's memory. It was too painful at the present for him to deal within fiction. He had told both girls about Henry and made sure he was a known figure, but no heroics where Henry was concerned. Hawkeye already had enough with one hyper, image-conscious child, one sickness/injury prone child, and a wife who was growing further from him, reverting back 7 years and one who, as he could tell was heading for a major burnout. Dealing with Henry's loss, he couldn't deal with on top of everything.

Hawkeye laid back, Lily's head resting against his arm. He heard her slowly drift off to sleep: 'Margaret must have given her peanut butter' he thought. After 10 or so minutes, he was sure she was asleep, he turned over and he too drifted off.

Mae woke at around 8, hungry and wanting breakfast. She was excited at the thought of 'shopping for houses' as her dad put it. And in her house, her room had to be purple. Hawkeye figured she must have remembered something about Korea for all the purple hills at sundown. He wanted her to know all about her native home, along with all about his. He didn't know if they'd ever be back to Maine, but for now New York was home.

She crept in to her parents' room to see her father draped over the side, Lily on her back in the middle, and her mother turning away from the light. Mae ran over to her father and for the second time in a few hours, Hawkeye felt something heavy land on his chest.

"Oh god…Mae…what are you doing up?"

"It's morning!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"It is?" he looked out the window "Ah hell it is…" he didn't want to get up. All the moving the previous day had taken its toll; he wasn't 25 anymore.

"Mommy's not up…" he was surprised; usually she was up just after dawn.

"Breakfast?" she asked him.

"Not yet. We'll wake up mommy and Lily okay?"

"Lily…time to get up! Breakfast!" Mae wanted her sister up and out of her parents' bed. For she was hungry and didn't like the fact that the 2 year old was taking her place.

Lily stirred and looked up to see her sister looking over her.

"Daddy, she's up!"

Hawkeye had stood up and stretched; and decided to sit back down before he fell down.

"Eat?" Lily asked hungry.

"Get mommy up first." Mae informed her. And the two crept over to their mother and jumped on her.

Margaret sat up in fright, clearly just having the living hell scared out of her. "Jesus Christ…you two." She wasn't used to having been woken up by that.

Mae got off her. "Are you mad mommy?" she asked, cautious of her mother.

"No, no Berry, you just scared me is all." She pulled her daughters in to hug them.

"Me hungry mommy!" Lily declared.

"And there's nothing to eat here." Hawkeye told her, trying to get rid of his newly-formed headache.

"Okay you two, go get changed and we'll go out for pancakes."

The girls squealed and ran out to find their boxes.

"Aspirin?" he asked her.

"My bag." She pointed to the only other piece of furniture in the room.

"What was wrong last night?" he asked her casually, rummaging through her bag.

"Nothing"

"Didn't seem like it."

"Okay, what do you want to hear? It was a big thing, I was freaked out, scared out of my wits. That? It was a nightmare, okay? You have them, BJ has them. Hell even Charles probably has them!"

"But mine don't leave me cowering in fear."

"Well mine do. I'm fine. Now can we just forget about it?"

Hawkeye paused and looked at her. "I think you should talk to Sidney."

"What?" she blurted out.

"You told me last year that the reason you had stopped waking me up at 7 in the morning, was because they had gone. Then I find you at god knows what time, shaking and crying worse than ever. You never tell me anything and I ignore that…but why couldn't you have told me about this!" Hawkeye's anger rose. He was no longer worried; he was furious.

"Maybe it's none of your business, did you ever think about that?"

Hawkeye gave a sickening chuckle "None of my business? When it starts affecting our marriage, don't you _think_ it becomes my business?"

"You're the one who's affecting our marriage!"

"How?"

"BY BEING IN IT!" Margaret had screamed.

Neither of them had noticed Mae and Lily at the doorway, seeing and hearing it all. It's not like their parents had never fought before. Their parents fought all the time. Mae blamed Lily. They never fought until _she_ was born.

"What the hell do you mean by that? How is it my fault?"

"Oh, so now it's my fault is it?"

"Well maybe it is, because I don't see how in the hell I could have done a _damn_ thing to piss you off this much!"

Both had stopped and looked over to the door. Mae and Lily scrambled, running away and hiding in the bathroom.

"SHIT!" the two cursed at once and ran to find them.

"Mae"

"Lily"

"Come on out of there."

"This is all your fault!" Margaret blamed him.

"Oh fuck this! I give up. You win, I lose. Happy?" Hawkeye grabbed his keys and slammed the front door. He didn't want to be anywhere near her.

"Asshole" she hissed before trying to get her daughters to come out.

It didn't look like either of them were going house hunting today.


End file.
